I cried, hard. It was like a huge break up and not just one person, but a whole team. Blood, sweat, time, money...and then POOF! No more. Like a stab in the gut, a pain that couldn't be mended with anything but time. I took that time, six practices actually, and that is when I lost faith in what I held so dear in my life. Cruelty to those in your own circle. I don't live life being mean to people, some do. Sometimes there are bullies in the world who get off making others feel bad for having tried their hardest. I had thought, if I practiced hard and become the best that I could, that it would HELP my team. Sometimes, others don't want you to get better, because then they themselves feel weak, so they attack. Time. Heals. Everything. I do not fret that I was bullied, or unfairly treated by people of power. I do not.
From the ashes the Phoenix rises...
In the past year, I have (outside of skating and blogging and working on making me a better version of myself with everything that I do) started my business back up, helped others in their businesses and made those outside of my derby circle feel special that they are in my life. I am active in my community outside of a team telling me to be. I pay attention to city government, politics and the very best part, our children. Yes, I am surrounded by children. All summer long I have been lacing up my skates, to turn around and see a small skater with a helmet on backwards, or another with their spider man elbow pads down to their wrists. The best, was a little girl on inline skates asking me to help her do a cross over, only to find her skates were on the wrong feet. Those kids, oh my gosh, they make me smile. Twice a week, we played games and did jam starts, and some nights, I had one attached (literally) to my hip. There were nights I wanted to pull my hair out, but my helmet kept me from physically doing it. I would ask the parents after practice how they stayed sane and they would drop their book and take out their ear buds, look at me with a blank stare and say "huh?". It didn't take me long to realize that when I was stressed and they were out of control with talking and laughing and not paying attention, I would scream "DEADBUG" and they would all drop, immediately, to the ground, twitching and rolling and dying (in silence) until they heard the command to get back up "ALIVE BUG". Oh, that was my saving grace.
Passing on the derby knowledge....
When I first came to derby, the very first month, my coach asked us to give him a goal for that season on a piece of paper. I gave him two. The first, was to become someone that could become a useful and strong player that helped my team. The second, was to someday coach a Jr. Roller Derby Team. I still aspire for both of those goals. In fact, when I was a young adult in Michigan, I went to a fortune teller at a Reggae Festival She read my palm then asked if I was interested in finding out about marriage and children (apparently, not everyone does, so she asked before continuing). As she flipped my hand to its side, she showed me some lines and said "You will never marry or have biological children of your own, yet, you will be surrounded by children". This summer, I kept hearing her voice in my head, "surrounded by children". As frustrating as they can be, at least I can give them back at night. In my small community, there is no place for these children to skate in the winter, and roller skating is not something that they grow up learning. With the help of other like minded skaters, my goal is to make sure that every young person has a chance at learning to skate, and I especially hope that every girl and boy that wants to try their hand at roller derby should have the opportunity to start off young, because the future of roller derby and how we interact with each other on a team should start before they are adults. My little skaters support and encourage and help each other, and they make sure to pat each other on the backs for all their hard work and practice. Our little skaters will grow up to teach others and be blessed to have strong pods and hard hitting individuals so they can jam through the packs with ease. I look forward to the future, even if I am surrounded by children, hey, there could be worse things in life (like having to wear a wig from pulling out my hair).
Take a moment to remember the words of Whitney
